Lost in Time: From the Personal Notes of George Washington

Dearest Diary,

My my, is it already 2009? How strange. I could have sworn I had died some time in the late 1700′s, but it would appear, at least in accordance with my writings upon this blog wall, that I am still alive and kicking. Strange, but not to be helped, nor argued with.

Hang on. Martha’s jumping down my ass about taking out the trash. Didn’t we once have slaves to do that? Ugh. She can be such a handful sometimes.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, diary. Well, it has been quite an eventful two hundred plus years. War, more war, commercialism, and the Red Sox finally winning a world series….so much has happened, I don’t know where to begin.

How about with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen?

This movie most assuredly kicked ass. I went expecting gigantic robots kicking the hell out of one another, and I most certainly stayed for the ten straight minutes of Megan Fox running in slow motion.

The portrayal of the two robots with the “homeboy” disposition I found most refreshing, for it was like taking a step back to my own time and reliving the ages racial intolerance. Not only were they unschooled, foul-mouthed hooligans, but they perished without even a passing mention. Get all up in that ass, indeed! Oh, to be in the 18th century again.

My only complaint, if one such as I could have one with such a cinematic marvel, was the lack of interaction between Shia….Shiloh….Oh, whatever his name is. (I told you to avoid foreign entanglements. The impossible pronunciation of this young man’s name is a clear reason why.)….and his parents. Should that movie had shown more of the awe-inspiring love between this family, I am certain more people in our fine country (U.S.A.) would better understand the strength and stability the American family can provide to the rest of the world.

Also, more of the humping robot. That shit doth be hysterical.

Anyway, that would be my sixpence of opinion on the matter.I must be off now, for as Martha keeps shrieking, “The trash shall not be taking out itself!”

With Love,
George

P.S. Seriously. More humping robot next time, Master Bay.